Do you ever sometimes feel as if you are just going through the motions day to day? Do you ever wonder if each of your days has purpose? Or does each day just feel like the same old routine, day in and day out, until you stop and wonder "what is the point?"
Damn. When I read back what I just wrote it all sounds so depressing and morose. And that is really not what I mean this post to be. I guess I am just in a bit of a funk. Summer is hard for me. I want to embrace it and savor it and soak in all that can be wonderful about it, but, really...being a grown-up just sucks the fun right out of it.
I hate the heat and even more the humidity. I mean completely loathe it. To me, trying to enjoy anything in the stifling heat and humidity is impossible. I wasn't always like this, though. There was a time that I looooved summer! Absolutely loved it. Of course that was a time when I could spend each day, all day, at the beach. I could be in the water for hours on end. I never ever have the opportunity to swim anymore.
But this post is also not going to be all about me whining about the heat. I mentioned in a previous post that I am going to do my best to savor summer. My dislike of summer, however, is what made me start thinking about this blog post I wanted to write. This past Sunday, our day was consumed with running around on boring errands, doing lots of yard work, cleaning the house, doing laundry.....BLAH! And I stopped to think...a lot of our weekends are like that. And our weekdays are no better...we both wake up well before dawn, we both start work early, we work all day, come home, have dinner, watch a little TV, go to bed. OK, maybe some nights in the summer we do a little more than that since there are more hours of daylight, but for all intents and purposes that is what our weekdays consist of.
Yes it is very true that I have been enormously blessed throughout my life. I have an amazing husband who loves me for me, who is my true partner in this crazy life, and my very best friend. I also have an amazing family and some pretty great friends. Kevin and I both have good stable jobs, we have a nice home, cars to drive, food on the table, and we don't stress about paying bills. I have seen and done a lot. I really shouldn't be complaining and that is not my intention. But sometimes I can't help but feel, as we go through the motions of our day to day life...are we really living, or just simply existing?
Sometimes I wonder, is it really that big a deal to have the luxury of being able to do what we want whenever we want if we...don't? Those pesky grown-up responsibilities get in the way, and it is hard to break free of routine, even a boring one. I know it sounds like I am saying my life is boring, and I am sure right now I am sounding ungrateful for the blessings in my life and neither is the case.
I don't know. I guess we all go through these funks from time to time. Life can't always be non-stop fun and games. And I know I am the only one that can make the most of my life and live it to the fullest. I know I will snap out of this and will once again be able to say to hell with the laundry and housecleaning. Putting it off one more day won't hurt (and if we are out of underwear we can go buy some!). We can't say to hell with work, of course, so we can make our time out of our offices more fun and exciting.
We can choose to live. We don't have to accept simply existing.